Top Reasons People Divorce
June 01, 2006
Linda M McCloud
Is Divorce in the Back of Your Mind as You Are Saying "I Do"
"Do you take this man or this woman to be your husband or your wife till death do you part? That is the question you are asked during your marriage vows. But in the back of your mind were you thinking, sure I take this person. But if it doesn’t work I’ll file for a divorce and get on with my life?
If that thought was in the back of your mind, you are not alone. It must be in the back of some couple’s minds because 50% to 60% of today’s newlyweds will divorce. Why? The number one reason is money. They say money makes the world go around. But they also say it is the root of all evil. The other top reasons for divorce:
Change in priorities. This can be caused by having kids or due to ones job, big things.
Lack of commitment to the marriage
Other reasons that come up frequently, but not as frequently are:
Failed expectations of your spouse (believing one is a super hero or that he/she can fix or be everything to or for you)
Physical, emotional or sexual abuse.
You know the reasons. Now what can you do to make sure that your marriage doesn't end in divorce court?
First of all, continue to work at it. Don't take your marriage or your spouse for granted. It is so easy to do. You love this person. You know this person loves you. You assume he/she will always be there. With time, you neglect the little things that were special.
You forget to take time for him/her. You quit doing the little things he/she loved. You don't make the brownies as often, you don't buy the flowers. You don't have sex as often or even worse yet it is always a scheduled event.
You don't talk out your differences. He/she does something that annoys you. You push it inside you. You do this a lot of the time. It stays inside of you building, building until you want to scream. Find the time to talk even about the little stuff.
Money. Don't let it put a wedge between you. Work at your budget together. One may be better at doing the math than the other one is. But still make sure you both have input.
What do you do about infidelity? That is a tough question to answer. Some people can forgive a spouse for being unfaithful. Was it a one night stand or an ongoing affair? Why did it happen? Those are questions you need to ask, after your anger has simmered some. Can you really forgive your spouse? Will you be able to trust him/her again? These are questions only you can answer?
Does therapy help? For some couples, therapy is great and will help solve some of the issues that are hurting your marriage. Both parties need to believe in therapy and be willing to be honest in it. If you just go through the motions and say what you think your partner and the therapist want you to say, you aren't helping your marriage any.
Is there a key to keep your marriage safe? No. Love is not even the key. There isn't one key. There are several sets of keys. They work together in harmony. Notice the phrase is work together because that is what marriage is, two people working together for a lasting future.